Raising Girls

2011-09-11T16:46:00.000-07:00

Melissa, David and I had the incredible privilege to go to New York and help a few days after 9/11. We walked the streets talking to family members and loved ones of those who were lost. We spent most of our time in firehouses, particularly Squad 288/Haz-Mat 1 in Queens, who lost a staggering 19 men. This rough video has the photos from our trip, which will never capture the pain and incredible strength of every person we encountered. We truly will never forget.

2011-09-09T13:13:00.000-07:00

I'm really excited to share about this conference coming to Nashville in a few weeks! Empowered to Connect is based on the book, The Connected Child, which is a fantastic resource for parents of adopted children. If you're available and have or are considering adoption, I highly recommend it!Click here for more information!

.MOM

2011-08-03T11:45:00.000-07:00

Melissa, David and I are so excited to be a part of a first-time Lifeway event this September, .MOM. It's going to be a great time for Moms to gather together to laugh, learn and be encouraged on the journey. We'd love for any of you to join us! For more information, go to lifeway.com

2nd-4th Grade Hopetown Update

2011-07-23T13:16:00.000-07:00

What is the password?

"Blessed are the people who know the password of praise, who shout on parade in the bright presence of God" Psalm 89:15

Although 2nd-4th grade has come and gone, those of us who remain at Hopetown cannot stop thinking about their sweet voices of thanksgiving. Melissa taught us to...

"Enter with the password: "Thank you!" Make yourselves at home, talking praise. Thank Him. Worship Him." Psalm 100:4

Not only did the kids take this to heart when getting off the tube or banana, or after eating a delicious meal, but they made known the reasons we are thankful to God...

1. We are His sheep and He our shepherd
2. He made us...we do not make ourselves
3. The Lord is good and His love endures forever

After worship and Melissa's teaching one night, they each raised their voices in prayer and thanksgiving to our Shepherd, Maker, and Father. If I could take away only one thing from last week, it would be the sounds of each of their voices coming together to thank God for his goodness in their lives. As all of our stories come together, we can remember that...

"When the world has gone gray and the rain's here to stay,
You are still Good
With every breath I take in
I'll tell You I am grateful again
And the storm may swell even then it is well
And you are Good"
You are Good by Nichole Nordeman
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We are so thankful for all of you who remind us daily how thankful we are for God's goodness through your all's many blessings on us.

At the end of 2nd-4th grade camp, due to heat, we were not able to have our normal parents gathering...and so we wanted to not only get to update you all on what an amazing camp we had...but also to share our Hopetown hope's with you...

*We are so thankful to have raised $116,000 of the $140,000 we must raise each summer to keep everything running at Hopetown and at the office...however, we obviously have $24,000 left to go...

*We continue to need help paying for the amazing bus we get to ride to Hopetown. Because this was added after registration, it is something for which we need to raise funds...

*As 2nd-4th grade camp (mixed with 100 degree weather) can be a little tiring, it not only affected kids and counselors, but also our boats this year...last week our Mastercraft overheated, for which we are replacing it's water pipe, and yesterday our 4Winns fell to the same defeat...these are, of course, added expenses that we would love any help with...

*Lastly, we have an amazing stone pathway now that leads down to the firepit...that has names of the past and current campers names engraved on stones as a way to comemorate their time here...if any of you are interested in buying a stone for your child, they are $250 and will be in by next summer for your child to see!

Thank you all for your support and we are SO thankful to get to shout on this parade called Hopetown with you all!! -Kathleen Goff

9th-10th Grade Thoughts...a little late!

2011-07-18T09:52:00.000-07:00

“Then I looked, and, oh! - a door open into Heaven. The trumpet-voice, the first voice in my vision, called out, "Ascend and enter. I''ll show you what happens next." Revelation 4:1 (The Message). With this verse in mind, thirty 9^th and 10^th graders walked down Camp Hopetown’s stone pathway towards the edge of the lake and, one by one, grabbed an intern and a spot under the starlit sky. As is typical, Melissa gave no instructions for what to do once they were settled except to imagine an open door amidst the millions of tiny stars illuminating the dark night. It was a powerful scene to look around and see campers, interns, and staff admiring God’s creation and imagining the ways in which He has personally opened His door to each of us.

	Doors, windows, and rooms- all were a recurring theme throughout the week. Melissa likened a house and all of the different rooms in it to each of us. She asked us all what rooms we let God into and which ones we keep padlocked for our own protection. The answers were well thought out and varied. In small group one morning, one girl said she is very open to letting God roam around her kitchen and living room and study but is hesitant to let Him into her bedroom because it is in this room where she is most herself. When I asked her about this further, she said that it all boils down to trust.

Frederick Buechner said it best when he spoke of trusting one another. "I not only have my secrets, I am my secrets. And you are yours. Our secrets are human secrets, and our trusting each other enough to share them with each other has much to do with the secret of what it means to be human." It was an honor to share “secrets” with such an amazing group of kids and, in doing so, to be reminded of the redemptive nature of a God who never stops knocking. -Michele Martin, Intern

Taste and See

2011-07-06T10:49:00.000-07:00

During our second week at Hopetown, we talked a lot about how to "taste and see that God is good". Not only did we see God''s goodness in his word, but daily in the lives of 11-12th grade kids. One camper's life was such an example of this as she came to see her own sin in her life and ask forgiveness from a very dear family member. There is nothing more good than a kid seeing truth, realizing that they are a mess, and seeking change.

In Proverbs 19:24, God says

"Some people dig a fork into the pie but are too lazy to raise it to their mouth"

We talked a lot about the different reasons that we don't bring the pie to our mouth...

"no one else around me is eating the pie",

"i don't think it can meet my expectations, so i sabotage it",

"not trusting that it will be good",

"being lazy", etc...

After each kid talked about what keeps them from bringing the pie to their mouth, they turned around and said in what way they wanted to change to be able to taste and see God's goodness.

We are SO thankful to get to watch God's goodness take hold of each kid that enters this place. It looks different in each child, but always allows us to taste and see!

We continue to know that we could not experience this picture of God without those of you at home supporting us in SO many ways!! We are so grateful for your support and prayers!! In the last couple weeks, we have had pretty bad storms up here... Last week a huge storm hit our dock that, unfortunately, gashed a hole in one of our pontoon's and added damage to our already in need of help dock. We just had the pontoon boat fixed and are looking at a large bill for our dock. If you are interested, or know anyone that might be, in helping with costs...we would love to get to talk to you!

-Kathleen Goff

Let's Go

2011-06-13T16:07:00.000-07:00

"Let's Go!" was the phrase that kicked off our week, because as Melissa said, we had somewhere to move, and each of us got to choose if we wanted to hop on board. We sat the first night under a starry sky and watched as Simon Burch modeled what it means to be willing to hop on board and trust God's plan for his life. So often we want to demand that life work. But it doesn't...not the way we think it should, at least. And in the midst, "the only person I can control is me" and "my attitude is a choice." What a freedom those truths brought Simon Burch! And as Acts 2:46-47 teaches, we will experience freedom most when we come together. So, "Let's go!"

"Let's go" led to a lot of fun things: to the lake, to the swings, to dancing in the rain and to riding bikes. And "let's go" led to some special times when we were gathered together to worship, share and learn. Using the Apple Maps application as a model, Melissa asked, "Okay, where do you want to go?" First, what is your destination? The high-school kids spent some time reflecting, and started to share their own personal destinations: "Forgiveness," "Understanding," "Peace," "Wisdom," "Freedom..."

Once you pick a destination, the Maps app asks you, "Do you want to use your current location?" We need to know where we are before we try and get where we are going. It's one of the first questions God asks Adam in the garden: Where are you? Even though He knows the answer, he still asks us where we are because He wants us to talk to Him about it! He wants us to be authentic! And talk about an authentic group of kids! We were blessed with a group of girls and guys who were ready and willing to talk aloud about where they were, to ask questions, and to respond and encourage one another in profound ways. One boy's eyes swelled with tears after several kids responded to what he shared, and when asked what he was thinking, he said, "I just feel so cared for."

Once the destination and current location are entered in, the final question is "How do you want to travel?" By bus, by car, by foot? Jesus used a similar phrase as "let's go" throughout the gospels: "Come," he said in John 7. "Are you thirsty? Come to me and drink!" Melissa said no matter how strong or ready we are, we won't be able to get to our destinations by ourselves. But Jesus didn't leave us alone: He left us the Holy Spirit. That's what we travel by - that's how we get where we want to go.

Indeed the Holy Spirit moved throughout the week. There were plenty of adventures, lots of laughter, lots of honest pain and shared stories, and finally, a group of really neat kids who were coming together to proclaim the one thing they knew was true: that God was good...and that they wanted to go wherever He was taking them. One camper said it best, when after sharing about tremendous loss in her life, she said, "I know God will use this to help me help other people. And I want my faith to be firm in that." In a collective voice they read aloud the words on a poster in the living room, "The suffering won't last forever. It won't be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ - eternal and glorious plans they are! - will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does!" From The Message

-Chelsea Keyser

A Little Hope from Hollywood

2011-04-10T20:32:00.000-07:00

So, lately, I've been really wrestling with a few television shows. Glee, in particular, has made me so sad. The way they have addressed alcohol, sex, purity, and now Jesus in the past few months have honestly just made me really discouraged for the messages that are being aimed at kids. And, to me, Glee seems even more discouraging than a show like Gossip Girl, where you know what you're in for. I have so many girls--from grade school and up, who watch Glee. It's just so sing-along-ish fun to watch these kids who stand up for themselves and each other in a way that makes every kid feel important--or at least it used to be.

But tonight, I saw Soul Surfer. I honestly wasn't sure I was going to do it. But I went for a lot of the same reason I read Twilight and The Hunger Games...to be able to have conversations with the girls who are seeing it. And I was blown away. I was teary through about 3/4 of the movie and was a complete surfer--or at least Bethany fan--by the end. This is one movie I hope every girl will see. It offers truth and hope wrapped up in a believable, endearing, one-heck-of-a courageous teenage girl. That's something worth watching--and paying for. Maybe Bethany could do a guest spot on Glee, to show them what it really looks like to stand up for yourself--with kindness and courage.

A Daystar Description

2011-01-28T13:45:00.000-08:00

We are asked all of the time, "Just what exactly is Daystar ministries?" It's a great question. As a matter of fact, we're asked very often if we're related in any way to the television network of the same name. We're not. And we thought we'd include a little description of our Daystar from our newest book, Modern Parents, Vintage Values. So, if you're ever wondered what in the world is that yellow house in Berry Hill, here's your answer...

“We are part of a counseling ministry called Daystar. Our office is housed in a little yellow house with a big front porch. One seven year-old boy called it, “the little yellow house that helps people.” Our dogs, Lucy, the Havanese and Blueberry, the Old English Sheepdog (plus Dottie the yorkie-poo and now Owen the yellow lab) help us counsel the kids and families who come to Daystar. Our offices house eight counselors and see more than two hundred kids per week between individual and group counseling. We offer summer camps and parenting classes both in the community and beyond. We believe in offering hope to families in any situation, and we believe in vintage values in this modern world.

Actually, we just like the whole idea of vintage in general. On most days we have spiced tea brewing in our lobby. There is a checkers table in one of the waiting rooms with typically two or three kids gathered around it. At our camps the kids play chess, learn to water-ski (not just wakeboard), and help cook the meals. We sing old-timey hymns along with worship choruses and talk about the rich meaning behind the words. We even have Christmas at camp and take the kids to a town made up of one row of antique stores. They have three dollars to buy a gift for the person whose name they drew. The gifts are symbolic, like a boy who gave a counselor an old walking stick because he said she helped people stand who were struggling. We like vintage and believe it brings out good in the lives of kids.”

Girls' Ministry Form 2011

2011-01-26T22:13:00.000-08:00

Girls who are delighted in feel more delightful.
That sentence is one of the guiding principles of our philosophy about girls. And we are thrilled to get to talk more about girls and how to delight in them at the Lifeway Girls' Ministry Forum in just a few short weeks.
As those who work with and love girls, whether you're a youth minister or a parent, you have the ability to touch her life and speak to the truth of who God has created her to be in phenomenal ways. As Dan Allender says, "You are the only you this world will ever know. And something about you is meant to make something about God known in a way that no one else can." The same is true for the way that you draw out the girls in your life. You will speak truth and bring life and hope to her THROUGH CHRIST in a way that no one else can. You are in her life for a purpose. If she's a girl, she is doubting herself at times. It's just a part of who we are. But you have a special calling to help her see all that is waiting to spill out from inside her. We're excited to talk with you more about how we can do that together. And we're excited to join you on this wild journey of helping to grow girls into who God has created them to be!

Modern Parents, Vintage Values: Melissa Trevathan and Sissy Goff

2011-01-05T13:58:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! Any of your resolutions have to do with parenting in this crazy culture? Our publishers recently released this video on youtube about our newest book. Check out our website daystarcounseling.com if you're interested in hearing us speak on Modern Parents, Vintage Values. We'd love to see you in 2011!

On the Set of Raising Boys and Girls

2010-11-02T17:52:00.000-07:00

It's finally over! Last Thursday night, we finished the taping for Lifeway's curriculum of the Nurturing Boys/Raising Girls class. We taped three nights in front of a live audience, an event we have all three anticipated (and dreaded) for months. We even spent the weeks leading up to it on what we referred to as "The Lifeway Diet." Anyway, we're thrilled to have it behind us and more than honored at the opportunity. Next comes the writing part (which feels MUCH easier!) The curriculum will be out next fall and will be called Raising Boys and Girls. We are grateful for all of you who supported us, prayed for our nerves, and came to the tapings. We're excited, as always, to be on the journey with you...

Grow!

2010-09-20T18:02:00.000-07:00

For those of you who have asked us when our next Raising Girls or Nurturing Boys class is, the answer is soon! On October 26th, 27th and 28th, we'll be hosting a new event that combines the two, along with some insight dedicated specifically to the parent. Grow will help you raise your son, your daughter...and hopefully yourself along the way! We're taping this event for a Lifeway curriculum, so the event is free to the community and your registration is your agreement to the video taping. We'd love for any of you who are interested in learning more of what it looks like to GROW together, to join us in October! Go to www.growinnashville.com for more information!

Memphis...in September

2010-08-19T09:02:00.000-07:00

Hi to all of our friends in the Memphis area! We wanted to let you know that we're heading your way...or at least Sissy and David Thomas are. We'll be at 2nd Pres on Sunday, September 12th teaching a combined Raising Girls and Nurturing Boys Class from 2-5pm. We'd love any of you to join us for a fun time to talk about the kids in our lives and how to love and lead them toward who God has created them uniquely to be! For more information, go to http://www.2pc.org/event/2010-09-12-parenting-conference-hosted-by-childrens-ministry/. Hope to see you there!

Lifeway Kids' Ministry Conference

2010-07-26T15:40:00.000-07:00

If you're a children's minister or youth pastor, or work with the youth in your church, join me at the Lifeway Kids' Ministry Conference in Alabama October 11-13! Just found out that those who register by August 15th could win a free ipad! Go to http://ow.ly/2gORO for more information!

Hope for the Soul

2010-07-09T12:44:00.000-07:00

2nd-4th grade is in full swing...quite literally. We ended our night last night with each child on the ball swing, to the cheers of all of the staff and counselors. Why the swing? At night? We promise, parents, we were safe. But it was an illustration of the truths Melissa had just shared...
The night started with worship, or as one of the girls wrote at the top of her journal "wersip". They sang their hearts out to Prince of Peace, the Alleluia Song, and I Stand Amazed. Melissa then told the kids about a recent experience she had trying to rescue a boat in a storm. She started towing them in, only to have her own boat turn in circles. Turns out, they were happy to have help, but hadn't pulled up their anchor. The boat was tied to a rope that was tied to the anchor. And the rope held. Until they pulled up that anchor, the boat couldn't go anywhere.
We then proceeded to talk with the kids about storms in our lives. They shared a few of theirs...parents getting divorced, losing grandparents, a house that burned down, being made fun of at school, injuries and illness, being afraid. But then we were reminded of Hebrews 6:19.
The NIV says "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure."
The message says, "We who have run for our very lives to God have every reason to grab the promised hope with both hands and never let go. It's an unbreakable spiritual lifeline...
The anchor is an old Christian symbol for hope. Jesus is the anchor for our soul. As one of the girls' said, He helps us through anything and everything. We grab hold with both hands and not only the rope, but the anchor holds...for anything and everything. And the rope swing was a fun picture of that idea of running for our very lives and grabbing hold. Plus it was a whole lot of fun!

Self...

2010-07-09T12:25:00.000-07:00

As we have started our 2nd-4th grade camp, I am reminded of a quote Melissa has used often this summer. "It's not about self-control, but self-surrender." What a great reminder that it is not about us, but our surrendering to God who has our good (and the good of 32 precious 2nd-4th graders) in His heart and will.

5 Smooth Stones

2010-06-24T16:25:00.000-07:00

David took 5 smooth stones in his journey to kill the giant, Goliath. At camp this past week, the kids talked about their giants...insecurity, difficulties in school, and at home, to name a few. But we didn't stop with giants. We also chose our own 5 stones. The stone of encouragement, truth, worship, surrender and thanks. And we talked about what it looked like to choose those stones to kill the giants in our own lives. As Melissa said when she talked about the stone of surrender, "It's not about self-control...it's about self-surrender." And as we surrender our giants to God and walk in His power, He defeats our giants for us.

Traveler or Tourist?

2010-06-13T17:37:00.000-07:00

Our first week at Camp Hopetown started off with Melissa teaching on the traveling psalms (or the Psalms of Ascent). She talked about the difference between being a traveler and a tourist. A traveler is one who engages in the journey. A traveler participates, while a tourist observes. With Psalms 120-134 as our guide, we spent the week learning more about what it means to connect...with where we are, who we are and a God that engages with us in the journey.
The first line of the first Psalm of ascent is "I call on the Lord in my distress, and he answers me." It was a tremendous gift to sit with 29 high school students as they called on the Lord together and devoted their week to traveling with each other toward Christ.
Since camp ended, I have gotten word that a sorority sister lost her beautiful daughter in the tragic campground that flooded in Arkansas. I cannot fathom the pain this and many families must be in. And, I can not even begin to understand how to reconcile these great truths and this terrible reality. But I know they come together. I know that the Psalms of Ascent were written by a group of people who knew sorrow...and who went up the mountain to remember God's hope. And I know that, even in the midst of great tragedy, especially in the midst of great tragedy, God answers us when we call to him in our distress. He wants to travel all of these roads with us. Please join me in praying for these families affected by the flood in Arkansas...that they will know God's nearness and mercy (and so will we in our remaining 5 camps at Hopetown).

Music to Sing To

2010-05-19T18:30:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! I'm working on car mixes for Camp Hopetown this summer! Does anyone have any favorite Christian songs they'd like to throw in to the mix? They need to be relatively well-known and fun to sing along with! Would love to hear your ideas!

Help and Hope in Nashville

2010-05-06T03:13:00.000-07:00

Just discovered this very powerful video. I couldn't be more thankful to live in this city. Have always heard there are more churches per capita than any other town. There's also a lot of hope...and a lot of help.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcmbX_JO95g&sns=em

2010-05-02T15:29:00.000-07:00

"They remained his chosen people, clogged hearts and all, and he remained their Lord—not only the Lord of the sea but also the Lord of the land and of the whole creation—who kept climbing into their boats to be with them over and over again from that day forth forevermore, with heart enough to spare, oh, with heart enough for us all…”

Barbara Brown Taylor

I'm sitting in Nashville watching the rain through my window. I was supposed to speak at two different churches today. I was also supposed to have an open house, since I'm trying to sell my house. But, over 12 inches of rain later (I think that's the latest count), I'm still sitting watching the rain through my window. My friend and realtor emailed me to say, "Unless they're coming in Noah's Ark, I don't think anyone will be there." I have thought of Noah's Ark a few times as I've brought furniture and boxes up from my basement. Thankfully, that's all that's been wet at my house. I have heard from friends with flooded homes and flooded cars. But, somehow, even with the floods, God still is in this. He is in the rescue workers showing up in their boats. He is in the countless folks who have wandered out of the safety of their homes to help others. Somehow, He's in this. And on days like today...weekends like this, years like this, it seems, at times, that is all we can really say. He is in this...somehow. He is, as Barbara Brown Taylor says, the Lord of it all. And, thankfully, He has heart enough to spare.

40 Felt Like the New 90!

2010-04-28T19:57:00.000-07:00

So....I've had a lot of questions about this picture on facebook. No, I wasn't in a car wreck...thankfully. It's not a photoshopped picture...I have no clue how to do that. It's me...just a few days shy of turning 40!

Long story short, in a week and a half I was in hospitals in three states with one very small but mighty kidney stone. One of our very own ER's in Nashville diagnosed me a week and a half ago with a UTI infection at 5am one morning, even though I already had significant pain in my back and nausea. They told me I was fine to fly to Dallas that day for a speaking event in Dallas. Mid-way through my plane ride, my stone attacked with a vengeance. Not exactly the place or space you want to be in with excruciating pain, to say the least.

Landed in Dallas, straight to the ER, thanks to Melissa, our friends Leanne and Tami, and some other dear friends near and far who said, "No...this is not your average UTI infection. It has to be a kidney stone!" Several hours and a few pain meds later, and I was in the lovely state this picture was taken--sitting outside the Dallas hospital.

Fast forward past the speaking engagement with over 1600 precious moms and daughters (which we did pull off lots of grace and a few painkillers), a birthday trip to the beach with friends and family to celebrate my 40th...and we arrive at my 3rd trip to the ER in South Carolina for 3 hours on my 40th b'day.

Who said 40 is the new 30? Aunt Robbie at 90 could have run circles around me. But, thankfully, TWELVE days later, I passed the tiny terror known as a kidney stone. Thank you to all of you who offered up sweet prayers and sent kind birthday wishes my way. 40 can only go up from here!

P.S. I don't usually share this much personal information online, but thanks to the miracles of technology, my medical marvels and picture already made the Daystar twitter for the day! So, I thought I'd fill in my version of the story and let all of you know the truth behind the lovely photo!

K2--No Longer Just Snowskis

2010-04-06T21:48:00.000-07:00

Just last week, my mom sent me an email from the Arkansas paper about an emerging drug named K2. That was on Monday and was the first I had heard of it. On Thursday, one of the girls in one of my high school groups talked about being worried about her brother, who was smoking something called K2 with his friends. Immediately, another high school girl, from another school said, "K2...That's what everyone is doing these days."
Just 2 months ago, literally, Melissa and I were writing an article on drugs and alcohol for our new book, Modern Parents, Vintage Values. We researched the latest trends in drugs, revealing continued interest in the old stand-by's like marijuana and acid. But, the latest were drugs like oxycontins and flavored cigarettes called bidis. Two months ago. And, today, there's a new drug that "everyone is doing." Obviously, it's not everyone. But, it's evidently enough that those of us who love kids and particularly teenagers need to be aware.
The bottom line is that K2 is a legalized drug similar to marijuana. It's also called spice, pink, and a variety of other names. Here's a link to an article about it and its effects on teens, in particular.
Thank Heaven, literally, that we serve a God who loves our children more than we do. Parenting would be an impossible task but for prayer and the grace of a God who knows all of the perils of this modern world.

Dallas Bound!

2010-03-30T21:07:00.000-07:00

For all of you who live in the Dallas/Fort Worth area, Melissa and I are going to be speaking at a You and Your Girl event in Carrolton, TX on April 17th. You and Your Girl is a Lifeway sponsored event for mothers and daughters 3rd through 12th grades. It features the Sonflowerz leading worship, Vicki Courtney and several other speakers, including us! We'd love for any of you in the area to join us for a day of worship, fun and learning more of what it looks like to love each other as moms and daugters! For more information, go to You and Your Girl!

Waiting and Watching

2010-03-19T08:11:00.000-07:00

"I pray to God--my life a prayer--and wait for what he'll say and do. My life's on the line before God, my Lord, waiting and watching till morning, waiting and watching till morning." Psalm 130, The Message
Wait and watch add up to hope.
The words wait and hope are connected with the image of watchmen waiting through the night for the dawn. The connection provides important insights for the person in trouble who cries out, "But surely there is something for me to do!" The answer is yes, there is something for you to do, or more exactly there is someone you can be: be a watchman.
A watchman is an important person, but he doesn't do very much. The massive turning of the earth, the immense energies released by the sun--all that goes on apart from him. He does nothing to influence or control such things: he is a watchman. He knows the dawn is coming; there are no doubts concerning that. Meanwhile he is alert to dangers; he comforts restless children or animals until it is time to work or play again in the light of the day." Euguene Peterson, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction

Raising Girls and Nurturing Boys

2010-03-18T07:46:00.000-07:00

Are you confused about a girl or boy in your life?

Do you ever find yourself saying “Is this normal?”

Wish you had a better idea of what was going on in his or her head?

Do you feel overwhelmed by how to help him or her become all that God has called them to be?

This Spring, Daystar Counseling Ministries is offering two sessions to help you get to the heart of these questions about your sons and your daughters. We'd love for you to join us to learn more about girls, boys, or both...and maybe even learn a little more about yourself in the process.

Raising Girls

Led by Sissy Goff, Director of Child and Adolescent Counseling
Join Sissy Goff, M.Ed., LPC-MHSP for a discussion on the physical, emotional, social, and spiritual development of
girls. We will talk about who they are and what they need from you. And we will look at what it means to
name the girls in our lives--to know, understand, and help
to call out who God is
creating them to be.

April 7th
7:00-9:00pm
St. Bartholomew's Church
4800 Belmont Park Terrace
Nashville
Cost: $25 for girls' class or $50 for both

Nurturing Boys

Led by David Thomas, Director of Counseling for Men and Boys

Come journey into the mind and heart of a boy. This class is designed for parents, educators, coaches, mentors and anyone who wants to better understand a boy.

We will meet to talk about boys from birth to the mid-twenties.
The Biology of Boys: Who They Are
The Heart of Boys: What They Need

April 14, 2010, 7-9pm
St. Bartholomew’s Church
4800 Belmont Park Terrace
Nashville
Cost: $25.00 for boys' class or $50 for both

To register online, click here:https://daystarcounseling.com/events/classes
OR call the Daystar office at 615-298-5353

You and Your Girl Memphis

2010-03-09T07:19:00.000-08:00

Hi to all of our Memphis friends! We're heading your direction on March 27th for a Lifeway You and Your Girl event! If any of you live there or are in traveling distance and have a 3rd through 12th grade daughter, this is a fantastic mother/daughter event. The Sonflowerz provide music and the day offers great opportunities for teaching and connecting with each other. Melissa and I speak to the 7th and 8th grade girls specifically and then to the moms with Vicki Courtney, who headlines the event. If you're interested, we'd love to see you there! It's at Longview Heights Baptist Church in Olive Branch. For more information, go to http://www.lifeway.com/event/?id=153

Lucy and the Bullies

2010-03-07T12:15:00.000-08:00

Friday morning, Lucy and I went to speak to the 5th and 6th grade girls at Oak Hill about online bullying. I talked a little about how online creates more anonymity, which makes the whole bullying idea much easier--and more dangerous. But mostly, I talked about how we're called to love. And, how the things that often gets in our way of love the most is our own insecurity. 5th and 6th..and 7th and 8th grade girls are especially prone to that kind of insecurity (okay, maybe adult women are, too). And, so, we used Lucy of Narnia as an example. Her words in Prince Narnia were "I didn't want to go alone" and "If only I had more courage." Wise Aslan's response was, "Lucy, if you had any more courage, you would be a lioness." And there is God's great mercy on us. We feel afraid and he calls us a lioness.
The next scene in the movie cuts to Lucy standing by herself on a bridge, facing an entire army of the enemy (or bullies) with her little bitty dagger at her side. From the background, mighty Aslan emerges by her side. She is not alone...neither are 5th-6th grade girls...neither are adult women. And the very thing that drew Lucy out on that bridge was love--her love for her brothers and sister and her love for Aslan.
At the end of the talk, each of the girls stood up and said "I want to be a Lucy."
By the way, my little Havanese Lucy was sitting in the middle of the group of girls the entire talk. At the end, they asked her to wave--which is her trademark. I picked her up, not really knowing if she'd do it. She looked around and then literally waved her paws in a semi-circle to all of the girls. They all laughed and the school photographer even came in and got a picture of her waving to the kids. We finished the talk, Lucy gave lots of kisses, and promptly went outside and threw up. All of that public speaking pressure, I guess...

The Spill of Hatred

2010-03-04T07:30:00.001-08:00

On Friday, I (Sissy) am speaking to the 5th-6th grade girls at Oak Hill about "Friends: Real or Virtual?" It's basically about online bullying, but I want to talk with the girls not just about what's happening, but why...how the way they see themselves affects how they treat others. I heard someone say once, "You can't hate yourself without at least some of that hate spilling over onto other people."

What I'm wanting to know is if any of you have examples of online bullying--either your own (if you're a girl) or your daughter's (if you're a parent). I'd love to have real-life examples written on paper to share with these girls!

Thanks for taking the time and have a great weekend!
Blessings,
Sissy

Book Club Beginnings

2010-03-02T22:20:00.000-08:00

The two of us have officially joined a book club! Tonight was our first night and our first book to talk about--Traveling with Pomegranates by Sue Monk Kidd and her daughter, Ann. For any of you who have read and seen The Secret Life of Bees...same author, totally different feel. We need to say, at the outset, that our group is made up of three counselors, one spiritual director/mom, one accountant/mom and five friends who are stumblingly seeking what it looks like to love Jesus and reflect His truth and grace to others. The consensus of tonight's discussion is that we were left a little...well, left. The writing was beautiful throughout much of the book. It's a mother/daughter memoir chronicling a journey not just through geography, but through the changes in their lives and relationship. It also is riddled with this deep hunger and sense of spiritual searching. The sadness our group felt is that search came up short of the hope that we all share...Hope that goes beyond the messiness of relationships and satisfies our deepest hungers. Have you read the book? We'd love to hear your thoughts. Next up, Steinbeck's East of Eden!

Calling Baton Rouge

2010-02-25T19:53:00.000-08:00

If any of you have friends in Baton Rouge, David Thomas and I are heading that direction for a parenting seminar on boys and girls next Saturday, March 6th at First Presbyterian Church. On Friday night, David and Stephen are doing a marriage seminar/crawfish boil at the church. If any of you are in the area or know someone who is, we'd love for you to spread the word!

Responsibility Top 10

2010-01-18T14:25:00.000-08:00

Melissa and I are working away on our book (we're on Chapter 12 of 18). Did we mention it's due February 1st? Anyway, it's called Modern Parents, Vintage Values. In the first section, we outlined modern issues for parents today such as technology, entitlement, etc. In this section, we're talking about values--compassion, patience...right now we're on responsibility. We'd love to hear your thoughts. If you had a top 10 list of things you want your child to be responsible with, what would they be?

Pants on the Ground AND In my Head

2010-01-15T12:24:00.000-08:00

Is anyone else like me and can't get that song out of their head? I just watched the whole thing on youtube again (while Melissa and I are supposed to be furiously writing to meet our book deadline). It is hilarious! Check out youtube "Pants on the Ground" if you haven't had a chance. And, as I love to do, I thought I'd google our friend the General. This is the story I found...and on that I thought you all and even your families who watch American Idol might enjoy. A great lesson out of some saggy pants!

A Daily New Year's Journey

2010-01-03T07:28:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! Every year for Christmas, Melissa gives our staff some creative gift to make us laugh, or warm us--sometimes physically (like down vests) or sometimes emotionally. This year was one of the latter--and one we wanted to share with you, because we thought some of you might be interested. Melissa bought us each The Daily Message, the translation by Eugene Peterson that we use the most at Camp Hopetown, broken down into daily readings with questions and comments by Peterson. Our staff is really excited to be reading through it this year and wanted to invite any of you to share the journey with us...

Well?

2009-12-23T07:31:00.000-08:00

I'm drawn to quotes all year-round, but somehow, especially at Christmastime. Maybe it's that the meaning of things is just too big for my simple words. Regardless, I am stirred by quotes around me, by lyrics of old Christmas carols such as "From our fears and sins release us, let us find our rest in thee" to the poignancy of newer songs such as "Mary, Did You Know". Basically, I'm a sucker for words. And it is in this spirit that I include a quote in my Christmas cards every year--one that feels close to the fumbling words I would use--or would want to this time of year. This year, my quote is a familiar one from Julian of Norwich that we talked about this summer at camp. I think it is one I relate to because I love the idea of things being "well." An artist in Nashville's tag line is "All is Well." I love that idea. I so desperately want it to be. But, the truth of the matter and something we are all well-too acquainted with is that it's not. And, it seems like this festive, happy holiday season is the time we see it the most. This year, in particular, there have been too many funerals...too many friends receiving difficult news...too many people suffering. We see the not well-ness as we gather with our families and notice those missing, as we gather with our families and notice that sometimes even we are missing in one way or another. It is just not well.
But, it will be.
Christmas is in direct answer to that dilemma. Jesus comes to make things well...in our families, in our outer worlds, and in the tiny worlds that overwhelm us from the inside. "Behold, I am doing a new thing" Isaiah 43 says. A new thing, indeed. He comes to us in a tiny, dirty, forsaken little manger. Julian of Norwich said, "All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well." Yes it shall. He is working on that, even now, in each of us. He is working in spite of the sadness and the funerals, in spite of the loneliness and sorrow. He uses even those to bring His well to our mangers. And, ultimately, all SHALL be well. Thanks be to God and Merry Christmas.

We Need a Home for Christmas!

2009-11-28T08:43:00.000-08:00

Two weeks ago, Kathleen found these precious kittens living under the hood of a car. After four days of us trying to catch them, they spent the first week getting healthy at the vet, and then a sweet family took them home, only to find that their son was too allergic. The family loved them and is really sad not to be able to keep them. And so we are trying to find them a new home!! If we don't, they'll have to go to a shelter, many of whom are not accepting cats because of overcrowding. They have sweet, cuddly temperaments and are just so grateful not to be living in the cold. If you could provide a home for these guys (both boys), please email us back immediately. They are ready to meet you and make a playful, endearing addition to your family!!
With much Christmas hope (and love),
Sissy and Kathleen

Count Your Blessings

2009-11-26T07:47:00.001-08:00

It was in 1863, during a period of great civil war, that Abraham Lincoln gave his famous Thanksgiving Proclamation, ushering in this day of celebration: "It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently, and gratefully acknowledged, as with one heart and one voice, by the whole American people. I do therefore invite my fellow-citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next as a day of thanksgiving and praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners, or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the imposition of the Almighty hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it, as soon as may be consistent with the divine purpose, to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquillity, and union."

These eloquent words could just as easily be spoken today...in the midst of war, of strife...where so many are becoming widows, orphans, mourners and sufferers for so many reasons. It is into those times that these words continue to have great power. And, as Melissa said on Tuesday night at Soup Night, "Gifts come with people attached." She reminded us to count our blessings, and to remember that those blessings come ultimately, from the Giver of All Good Gifts. Happy Thanksgiving.

New Moon Madness

2009-11-19T08:24:00.000-08:00

When I have asked girls this week the thing they are most looking forward to, 95% have had the same answer. Not turkey and dressing, not even time off from school...it's all about Edward--or Jacob. I have had more conversations in my office this week about New Moon than almost any other subject.

Last night, David, Melissa and I were teaching a parenting class at an elementary/middle school in town. A parent asked what we thought of these movies and what age girls should see them. Ages are always hard...because I typically think it depends more on the child than on the number. So, our advice would be simply to know your material. In 17 years of counseling girls, I have never seen any phenomenon grab hold of their hearts like these books and movies. Your daughter will be hearing about it in the upcoming weeks, and will very likely want to see or read them. They are highly compelling books, and, I would say, pretty sensual. One parent last night said, "They don't have sex until the last book but you almost just want them to go ahead and get it over with."

Judy Blume educated a whole generation of children about sex in forever. Girls need to hear a parent's voice first...not a vampire's. So, that being said...it might be wise to read or see the books first, if you have younger girls. If you have older girls who are already into it, see it with them--I feel pretty confident they wouldn't mind seeing it again. It can be a great conversation springboard.

A parent came up at the break in the seminar to say, "You only talked about the romantic/sexual part of twilight. You didn't even mention the evil." And, honestly, that's because the girls don't mention it. I would go as far as to say they don't really notice it. They are swept up in the relational aspects of the book...as usual. But, the book is about vampires and werewolves...so that is important to keep in mind, too, as the "PLEASE CAN I GO TO NEW MOON" conversation comes up.

At a class Melissa and I took years ago, Eugene Peterson talked about how rarely Jesus mentions spiritual warfare and even the devil in his teaching. He remarked that our attention almost gives evil more power.

As you (or your child) walks into this new moon madness this weekend, be aware...be cautious, be wise, be educated on all things Edward and Jacob. And be ready to either have a strong and steady no, if you feel the movie is not appropriate for your child, or to have a conversation around what the madness is all about. That's our two cents...which costs a little less than the movie ticket!

A Daystar Rescue

2009-11-14T08:16:00.001-08:00

Last weekend, Kathleen was washing her car at my house, when she noticed a little tail hanging off of a car parked in the driveway. As she walked closer, she noticed two tails--belonging to two kittens sitting on the tire. No momma cat in sight and two baby kittens. To make a long story short, four days later, we finally caught the kittens and took them to the vet. They were six weeks old and had been surviving under the hood of a car for all of that time. We did (almost) everything we could to find them a home but there was no room for them in any of the kitty adopting inns. So, we voted (kind of) in our last staff meeting and now have Daystar kittens to add to our pet therapy staff! No worries if you have allergies, though...Day and Star will be living outside. As soon as they've gotten all of their shots and have a clean bill of health (they both had upper respiratory infections), they'll be waiting to meet you on the Daystar porch!

The Direction of Anger

2009-11-05T09:03:00.000-08:00

I recently talked to a high school girl who was angry. She was angry that she had been wrestling with some issues and praying that those very same issues would change for a LONG time. We talked for a long time about how she felt about those issues and the face that nothing had changed. The feeling she kept coming to was anger. We talked about her anger at the people who were creating the issues and the anger she felt toward herself in the midst of things. And let me interrupt myself and say that this was a very mature 16 year-old with a deep sense of faith. I asked her if she was angry at God. Her profound answer was "I'm not angry at God, I'm angry with him." I never thought about the difference. Angry at God speaks of a distance, standing across the room and flinging anger toward Him about issues we don't understand. Angry with God sounds more like we are allowing ourselves to stay close and express our anger and hurt at the very same time. The with sounds more like David from the Psalms, who always expressed his anger, or whatever he emotion he felt, but also knew of God's love and faithfulness at the same time. Maybe it wasn't so much that He stayed close to God in his anger, as He allowed God to stay close to him. As did this wise high school girl who has much to teach me, and maybe all of us.

The Great Pumpkin (and Lucy)

2009-10-31T07:10:00.001-07:00

"Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you."
Dr. Seuss

Kappa Dreams

2009-10-23T07:52:00.001-07:00

Last weekend, I had the immense pleasure of going to a reunion for my sorority. We had five different pledge classes and probably eighty women (who felt much more like girls) gathered together for two nights of wonderful conversations, great memories, and lots of fun. My time with them was a sweet reminder of a place and time filled with laughter, vanilla cokes, MC Hammer, and dear, dear friends who, as cheesy as it sounds, did become like sisters. I wrote this several years ago and submitted it to our sorority magazine, but thought I'd share it here...as a tribute to those girls. I hope we're still gathering 50 years from now eating mexican food and dancing to MC Hammer. Love and loyally, Sissy

My friends and family know the signs.
Without fail, I'll be on a trip with friends or home visiting my family, and wake up to that universal question, "How did you sleep?" Anytime my answer happens to be, "Well, I dreamed about the Kappa house," the people I love scatter. Or, they simply groan and say, "What did we do now?"
As a counselor with kids and families, I know very well that dreams often reflect what is happening to us emotionally. We keep our anxieties at bay enough to make it through the day, and then have vivid nightmares about taking exams naked or being chased by a pursuer we can't quite see. Or, maybe we dream about the lying on the beach with the ocean gently lapping our toes and no children asking for rides to soccer practice or the mall.
I dream about the Kappa house. Whenever I am really sad, or stressed, or upset, my sleeping mind will take me back to 800 West Maple—with one hundred girls living together inside a white columned, beautiful home. Usually, I am transformed into a college girl again, and I am getting dressed to go to a function, or running up the senior stairs after class, or even sitting in the dining room with friends having chicken fingers on a Friday.
More recently, however, my two worlds have started coming together in those dreams. Several months ago, I was hiding my dog, Noel, from the Kappa house mom, and all of the girls were joyfully in on the conspiracy. Just last week, I woke up just as I was trying to fit my antique furniture up the stairwell.
I'm not sure what all of it means. My friends and family believe that, for me to dream about the Kappa house, most likely means they have done something wrong and are in trouble. I believe, however, that I'm just not entirely ready to let go. That, even in the midst of my life now—filled with good things that I care deeply about, that there is still a part of me that remains in that big white house on Maple Street. And that, every once in a while, when things get hard in my world, I reserve that one as a place to return. To go back to the laughter of ten girls in the bathroom discussing the drama of the night before, or running for "coke breaks" when we were supposed to be studying, or candlelights, or practicing for rush skits, or any given day surrounded by the warmth and innocence of that place, makes me feel sweetly refreshed.
I hope I always dream about the Kappa house. I want those memories, and that innocent, free, spontaneous part of me to be a part of my world always.

Shake Off the Dust

2009-10-14T07:06:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, I ran across a verse that Melissa taught on several years ago at camp. Matthew 10:14. "If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that town." I don't know about you, but I hold on to my dust...the dust of grievances, anger, frustration, hurt, sadness. But Jesus tells us (actually 3 different times in the Gospels) to let go of that dust. It seems that the dust on our feet does much more to make us dirty than the ones we are actually holding on to it for.

Wednesday Word (a little late)

2009-10-01T13:24:00.000-07:00

In our staff meeting, Melissa typically shares some type of thought of a devotional nature with us. This week, she said something that I loved...and wanted to share with you all.
It is not about us focusing on God, it is us receiving His focus on us.
What a great, refreshing word in the midst of the pressure and hectic-ness that surrounds our days!

Analog Parents

2009-09-20T18:27:00.000-07:00

A mom recently told us, "I'm an analog mom living in a digital world." We have just this weekend started working on a new book with Broadman & Holman publishers with this in mind. The first chapter is about the digital world...internet, cell phones, gaming, etc. If any of you have a minute, we'd love for you to share your thoughts with us.
1)What are your three biggest fears about technology and your children?
2)If you could have any questions answered about technology and your children, what would they be?
Thanks so much for your time and thoughts. We appreciate you!
Sissy and Melissa

Vote for Daystar!

2009-09-16T12:48:00.000-07:00

We are trying to finish raising funds to cover the summer for camp--and Christie Cookies is having an awesome giveaway! We'd love for any of you who can to follow the link and vote. If you don't know about Daystar, we'll include that link, too--so you can read about all of the things we're so blessed that God is doing in our little yellow house!
http://www.ilovechristiecookies.com/contest/

Molasses' Little Sister

2009-08-21T20:24:00.000-07:00

We wanted to introduce you to the newest addition to the Daystar Family, Blueberry Pancake Trevathan...otherwise known as Blueberry. Blueberry's got big shoes to fill in the hearts of many kids and families, her mom included. But she's quickly winning us all over and will be ready to herd you into the daystar office come september when she officially joins the daystar staff.

August Blues?

2009-08-16T16:10:00.000-07:00

August is here. No more piles of tennis shoes and flip flops filling the cubbies at Hopetown. No more children swinging on the rope swing. No laughter floating down from the upstairs girls’ sleeping porch. No strains of “How Great Thou Art” ringing through the house. It is quiet. Except for the whispers of words that have been spoken. Encouragement that has been given. Stories that have been told. And hope that has been shared. We wanted to share just one more story of that hope with you, from a mom of a first year camper at the 2nd-4th grade camp.

“When I first got to camp, my daughter grabbed me and started taking me down the walkway to the basketball swing. On her way she grabbed my hand and started telling me about writing her sins on rocks. She was talking a mile a minute...as if she had been holding this information inside and it was erupting out!! She tells me that afterwards they came down to the dock and threw their rocks into the lake. She then asks me if I knew that Jesus has the power to forgive and then FORGET.... as far as from the east is to the west. I say "yes" and was about to remind her that I have taught her this truth before, however, she quickly interrupts me with more of her story.... never really hearing me at all! She then tells me about how amazing it was and then stops on the path and looks at me. I realize that this is when I should speak...and I ask,"How did that make you feel?" She looks at me and says with the biggest grin I've ever seen...."Mom, it made me feel like a BRAND NEW GIRL!! I don't have to hold all those sins ANYMORE!!"

We had a lot of brand new girls…and boys…and counselors this summer. Thanks to nineteen staff members who gave up their summer to love on 178 2nd through 12th graders. Thanks to board members who prayed and sent notes and packages to a weary staff. Thanks to you, for supporting and covering us in prayers for safety and for God’s gracious movement in the lives of kids. And, ultimately, thanks to Him…who is able to do exceedingly more than we could ever ask. We are more than grateful.

Mighty

2009-07-25T16:52:00.000-07:00

The first night of 7th-8th grade camp we watched the made-for-TV movie, A Wrinkle in Time. For those of you who haven't read it, it is a story of good and evil and the power even an awkward, self-conscious pre-teen and her little brother can have to make a difference. Meg, the main character, has three friends who spur her on in this journey, aptly called Mrs. Whatsit, Mrs. Which, and Mrs. Who. They each give her some truth to arm herself with. One of the Mrs. W's asks her if she has the courage to go back and rescue her little brother from the evil that has ensnared him. Her answer is "No, but it's something I'm going to do." Mrs. Who goes on to say that only the foolish don't feel fear. Melissa, our own Mrs. Who, went on to say that "We can be too strong for God to use, but never too weak. Love is stronger than fear. You can be a confident, weak person. You are called in spite of your fear to make a difference." Recently, her 6 year-old nephew came to visit. He wanted to get a rock to put on the rock pile that we've been building at camp all summer. These rocks have had a variety of words painted on them that have reflected something we have learned this summer...be, refuge, rock, to name a few. He wanted his own rock to write on, as the older kids had been doing. When Melissa asked him what he wanted to write he said, "Ben. 6 years old. And God is good.....and mighty." He is and it is his love that not only allows us to be weak, but works through our weakness with even more might. I'm thankful to be in the midst of a very sweet group of 7th-8th graders, who already have had the courage so many kids their age don't. They have stood up and prayed in front of each other, shared powerful words of truth, offered a coveted spot on our new banana boat, and a variety of big and simple things. In short, they have used their voices to have courage and offer who God has made them each to be. And the week is just beginning....

5th-6th Grade Camp

2009-07-25T16:35:00.001-07:00

I didn't have much time to blog during 5th-6th grade camp. Maybe it's because we were building a temple...or planning a festival...or having our spirits stirred...basically all "getting to work" in ways that the book of Haggai points to. Melissa taught all week on this book. As she studied it, she said there were three main things that were repeated (which works well for 5th-6th graders). 1)Take a look at your life. 2)Get to work. and 3)I am with you. Through the course of the week, we took good looks at our lives, at how each of us can be like Zerubbabel and be the one whom God uses to stir the spirits of others. Then, it was "get to work." One child, after camp, told his mom that he was inspired to go out and serve God. That is exactly what the campers did during the week as they loved each other...and were living reminders of how much God truly is with us. At one point during the week, Melissa said that the origin of the word "blessed" comes from the same word that means to kneel. Being blessed, she said, is God's attitude toward us. He wants us to be blessed and then to go out and be a blessing to others...which is exactly what this week was for us all!

God is Good...

2009-07-22T19:50:00.001-07:00

It was my counseling day between camps today. And, as summers go when working with kids, I was blessed to hear about several different missions trips that various girls had been on. Their experiences were a humbling reminder to me. One such experience was from a girl who had been in a terribly poverty-stricken country where there has been much political upheaval of late. She told a story of a man she met in a church who had watched his entire family killed before his eyes. This church service, of which he was an active member, began with the minister recounting the phrase "God is good" to which the crowd replied, "All the time." The minister then said "All the time," and the body said "God is good." These words are even more powerful in light of such tragedy. He is good...all of the time, all of the days, and in all of the trials (and camps) we find ourselves in on this given day of July.

1 Corinthians 13, Hopetown Style

2009-07-08T20:54:00.001-07:00

Love is the word leading the 2nd-4th graders this week at Hopetown, along with a cloud and pillar of fire from Isaiah 4:5-6. The first night, Melissa taught on Hopetown's version of 1 Corinthians 13. "Love is...patient, kind, forgiving, trusting God, hopeful--looks for the best, enduring--keeps going to the end, polite--supportive, warm--open. At the end of the night, each child who wanted to turned to the group and said, "This week, I want to love." Then, their "buddy" counselor came to the front and prayed for that child and their week at camp. The second night, we went on to top about what love is not. "It is not giving up, caring for self-not others, seeking revenge or holding grudges, being jealous-wanting what it doesn't have, boasting, being irritable or sarcastic, being resentful, laughing when someone messes up." Day 2 (or night 2, to be exact) gave the kids an opportunity to talk to their buddies about a particular way in which they had not loved that day. They wrote these on a rock and threw them into the fire to "get rid of them" as Scripture suggests. As the week has gone on, we have seen these 2nd-4th graders love in big and small ways. Tonight, Melissa taught on Matthew and giving a cup of cold water--and how it really is giving to others that brings refreshment to us. The kids were then given an opportunity to give back to their buddies--by offering them a cup of water and telling them what they had meant to them over the week. The hearts and words of these precious kids were much more refreshing than water could ever be. It is no wonder that Jesus says to be like a child...in the ways that we love and give and speak honestly from our hearts when we mess up. ""Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best f the three is love." 1 Cor. 13:13, The Message

Hopetown Ho Ho Ho's from 9th/10th

2009-07-06T17:36:00.001-07:00

This is our letter to our Hopetown crew...a group of folks specifically praying for and helping with our summer camps! We thought we'd share it with you...
For you all in Nashville, it may be a warm summer day...but here at Hopetown it's Christmas time.

All summer we have been talking about rocks, but this week we've specifically talked about boulders with our 9th-10th grade campers. Melissa talked this camp about a mountain biking trip that she, Sissy, and Pace went on a few years ago. She reminisced on how when she would see a big rock or boulder, she would try so hard not to hit it that she right into it and got all tripped up.

We talked about how the bible uses metaphors like the one above. We are called to follow the path, rather than focusing on the boulders, and consequently embark on the adventure of learning to trust the Lord and see the bigger picture. As friends, we are able help one another when they hit the boulders and remind each other to go to the rock that is higher than you and I (and our boulder).

We are so thankful for all of you who have embarked on this journey with us! As you all know, we often hit small and large boulders at Hopetown....but they are more in the form of boats and vans breaking down, bike tires going flat, more scholarship applications than ever before because of the economy, and so on. We are so thankful for all of you who help to remind us to focus on the path and that there is someone bigger than you and I.

You all have helped remind us of His greatness in many ways. One way, specifically, is that many of you have helped us raise $86,600!! We are so thankful for where we are, but must also look forward and know that we have another $53,400 to go in order to keep the doors open at Daystar and Hopetown throughout the summer. If any of you know anyone who may be interested in (1) underwriting the 4Winns boat to be fixed for $230, (2) scholarship-ing one of the four scholarship'd kids at this camp for $650, (3) donating bikes, or (4) underwriting the rental of our replacement rental van due to a microburst/wind damage to the first rental for $599... please feel free to respond to this email or call Kathleen's cell phone at 214-738-5996 if you have any questions.

Thank you all so much for your prayers and blessings upon these kids and this place. We are truly so grateful for all of you!

Gratefully,
Kathleen Goff & Brian Anderson

"From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the foe.
Psalm 61:2-3

Trusting the Shepherd

2009-06-25T11:31:00.000-07:00

"God, My Shepherd! I don't need a thing. You have bedded me down in lush meadows. You find me quiet pools to drink from. True to your word, you let me catch my breath and send me in the right direction...Even when the way goes though darkness, I am not afraid when you walk by my side. Your trusty shepherd's crook makes me feel secure...Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."
Psalm 23, The Message
This week started off with our shepherd, Jesus and a poignant reminder of who he is from our deeply missed sheepdog, Molasses. Melissa started off talking with the 9th and 10th graders about how much Molasses reminded her to trust, and that it is almost as if she is saying these words from the Message to us...
The Shepherd leads the sheep but never drives them. He doesn't have to, because He knows them. Melissa told us of a shepherd in Lebanon who was recently asked, "How can you keep track of your sheep if you don't count them?" His answer was "If you were to bring me any sheep and let me put my hands on his face, I could tell in a moment who he is and that he is mine." What a powerful reminder of the great love our Shepherd has for us, and the depth by which we can truly trust Him.

Adventure is About Relationship

2009-06-22T13:38:00.000-07:00

Jeremiah 29:11-13 started off our 2nd camp of the summer. Actually, the movie Up came a little before that. The rain kept us from seeing our traditional first night movie on the back of the barn, and so we headed off to see this little cartoon with a big story to tell, Up. The next morning, we gathered to talk about Up--and the power of encouragement. Melissa used the verse in Jeremiah to remind us that God makes our plans. He gives us hope. He'll do that part, she said. It is ours just to seek him. From there, she wanted us to imagine that everyone else in the room was discouraged--and that we were, that each of us was the only one in the room with the power to encourage. And so the kids wrote notes of encouragement, much like Ellie did in the movie, to remind each other of the hope that is found in Christ. This is one from a 15 year-old girl that we felt compelled to share with you.
"Wherever you are, God can find you, and you can find God. If you need a sense of hope & security, know that there is none greater than the hope the Lord offers. Our spirits are made alive in Him. Our hearts are made full in Him. Our minds are opened in Him. His realness and the truth in His words are astounding. And I believe there is no greater adventure than the adventure of seeking the Realness of God. And I believe there is no greater treasure than that which is found in His truth. If you seek that, you may very well be a different person each day - as your spirit is made alive in Him. Let His face shine upon you. Let His words of wisdom and truth guide you and bring you home. Join with Him in an adventure of unimaginable excitement and sincere fulfillment and contentment."
The message we hung on to from Up was that adventure is in relationship--with each other and with the kind, redemptive girl that this young girl spoke of. We are glad to be in the adventure with you...and with Him!

A Timely Word

2009-06-14T10:30:00.000-07:00

"A man can no more take in a supply of grace for the future than he can eat enough for the next six months or take sufficient air into his lungs at one time to sustain life for a week. We must draw upon God's boundless store of grace from day to day as we need it."
D.L. Moody

Daystar's Dearest LifeGuard

2009-06-11T14:58:00.001-07:00

Dear Daystar Friends,
If you've been to the Daystar house or Camp Hopetown in the past twelve years, you have been greeted, licked, and probably sat upon by a wonderful, warm, shaggy sheepdog named Molasses. On any given day, you could find Molasses sitting on the couch in the waiting room with her paw on someone's shoulder or jumping into the lake to save a stray child at camp. She spent twelve years as a lifeguard to us all, but especially to Melissa. It is with heavy hearts that we wanted to let you know that Molasses' sweet life came to a close yesterday. Her hips finally got the best of her and the pain was just more than her brave heart could bear. She was surrounded by Melissa and friends from the Daystar staff, and now has a beautiful little spot in the backyard of the Daystar house. We know, however, that Molasses is not there...that she is already in Heaven herding Noel, Patty and Puddy and reigning as the lifeguard supreme over all God's creatures.

Writing to Remember...and Become

2009-06-08T16:20:00.000-07:00

Camp Hopetown has officially begun! We started off the summer remembering--not just the past summer, but our earlier lives, as well.

"What began the change was the very writing itself. Let no one lightly set about such a work. Memory, once waked, will play the tyrant. I found I must set down passions and thoughts of my own which I had clean forgotten. The past which I wrote down was not the past that I thought I had (all these years) been remembering. I did not, even when I had finished the book, see clearly many things that I see now. The change which the writing wrought in me (and of which I did not write) was only a beginning."
And our beginning of the summer at Camp Hopetown has involved just such writing as this. We are now several days into our first camp with 11th-12th graders and we have done much talking and writing on this subject of remembering. In fact, it is Star Trek that led us into the subject. In case you haven't seen it, the newest movie is basically about how Kirk became Kirk and Spock became Spock. And, so we've been talking (and writing) about how Georgia became Georgia, Callie became Callie, Carter became Carter and so on. And so it goes from there. And so it has gone--as we've talked and remembered. And those memories tie in to the future of who we're each becoming. We'd love to share in that remembering with you. These are just a few of our questions that have spurred our memories...
What was it like to go to first grade?
Who took care of you when you were sick?
Who had a bad influence on you?
What did you do at birthday parties?

We'll continue to post different teachings of Melissa's from the summer. I'm afraid Molasses interrupted the process a little on this first camp, but we'll catch up soon.

What We're Reading

2009-06-02T13:50:00.001-07:00

I recently read someone else's blog that had a section on what they were reading. I thought that was great--and that we should have a similarly updated section. If it were only Melissa, though, we'd have to update daily as she typically is reading 4 books at once and consumes them like chocolate (not that either of us like chocolate). I, on the other hand, read a little more slowly--unless I'm on vacation. So, here are my books of the month, and Melissa's of the day (for the month of June)!

Camp Hopetown Worship

2009-05-24T19:52:00.000-07:00

Every summer, we add to the list of worship songs we sing at Camp Hopetown. Choosing is hard, mostly because I'm (Sissy) picky. I want rich, deep lyrics-with music that is catchy and easy to learn. I mostly love hymns, but know a few worship choruses need to be thrown in from time to time. We usually have one or two songs that emerge as the theme from the summer. Last year, it was How Great Thou Art (Lindsay Kane's version) and Mighty to Save.
I've finally finished the selection for this year--now I get to learn them on guitar! We thought it would be fun to share our worship for the summer with you! If you're coming to camp, you can start learning now. And, if you're not, we hope that these songs offer you a sense of hope and wonder in this upcoming season. This link will take you to our own imix on itunes for your listening enjoyment!

You and Your Girl Memories

2009-05-24T10:26:00.000-07:00

We are so honored to be a part of this event and have loved meeting moms and girls across the country! Blessings to all of you on this journey of learning what it means to love and laugh together!

Worship Ideas

2009-05-11T14:20:00.000-07:00

So, Camp Hopetown is VERY quickly approaching. And I, being harried counselor, camp director and worship leader, am just getting around to finding new worship songs for the summer. Last year, Mighty to Save was the hands down favorite. If you have any new worship songs that you love or even old ones that we might not know yet, would you tell us? We'd love to hear your thoughts...and tunes!

Strong to Save

2009-05-03T10:16:00.000-07:00

"We speak our words of praise in a world that is hellish; we sing our songs of victory in a world where things get messy; we live our joy among people who neither understand nor encourage us. But the content of our lives is God, not humanity. We are not scavenging in the dark alleys of the world, poking in its garbage cans for a bare subsistence. We are traveling in the light, toward God who is rich in mercy and strong to save. It is Christ, not culture, that defines our lives. It is the help we experience, not the hazards we risk, that shapes our days."
Eugene Peterson, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction

Girlsminister.com

2009-04-21T14:47:00.000-07:00

We're excited to share with you all not only a great website hosted by a friend who makes a huge difference in the lives of girls at Brentwood Baptist and all over the blog world, who recently interviewed us. She's got some great questions for parents and anyone who is living in this wonderful, wild world of girls!
http://girlsminister.com/2009/04/girlsministercom-interview-with-melissa-trevanthan-sissy-goff/

A Lenten Saturday

2009-03-22T14:57:00.000-07:00

Our community has lost a precious young man this week, Shep Case. He was a sophomore at Christ Presbyterian Academy. His family has graciously directed memorial gifts to be made to Daystar. This letter is our response. We wanted to share it with you, as a reminder of Shep and as a way for all of us to process the tragedies that leave us with more questions.

O Thou who comest,
Who art the hope of the world, give us hope. Give us hope that beyond the worst the world can do there is such a best that not even the world can take it from us, hope that none whom thou hast loved is ever finally lost, not even to death.
(Taken from The Hungering Dark, by Frederick Buechner)

In the liturgical calendar, the Saturday of Easter weekend has no name. Thursday is Maundy Thursday, signifying the Last Supper of Christ with his disciples. Friday, the day of crucifixion is called Good Friday, because it is the day that ultimately brings about our highest good in the form of grace. And Sunday, as we know and celebrate, is Easter. But Saturday has no name. And that is exactly what today feels like.

Shep Case was a young man with an infectious smile, a tender heart and a fiery spirit. For you to be receiving this letter means that you were somehow touched by Shep’s life, or Polly’s, Mark’s, Andrew’s, Katherine’s, or even Sam’s. But, just as you were touched, you are now living with us in the Saturday moment.

It is between the death of Jesus and his rising again. Saturday has no name. The Bible says nothing of what was going on that day after what felt like the untimely death of Jesus. But we can guess. The disciples were mourning. Questioning. Grieving. Yelling. Quiet. They were left alone with their trust in a God who said he was the way and the life. But now his life was gone.

But Sunday was coming. Jesus knew it that Saturday. He allowed those who loved him a day of mourning, knowing He was coming back. The story was not over. And neither is Shep’s.

Today, we don’t understand. We are left questioning. Grieving. Yelling. Quiet. But Sunday is coming. It’s coming one day for us, and it’s actually already here for Shep. He has no more pain and no more sorrow. He has life.

We are grateful for your love for the Case family. We are grateful for their hearts and their courage on this Lenten Saturday. And they join us in gratitude for your support of them. As was so eloquently said at Shep’s funeral, through Jesus and because of that Easter Sunday, no one loved is lost.

Loving Our Children Well

2009-03-08T20:14:00.001-07:00

I was recently asked to speak in on the topic of "Loving our Children Well"...a phrase that has become quite common around these parts. I thought I'd share with you a few thoughts on the idea.

What do you think of when you hear the phrase "Loving Your Children Well?" I think it sounds really great, but like a lot of pressure. Even when I hear stories of it happening...and you all could probably name a few. A friend recently told me that he intentionally put his son on a losing soccer team because he had such struggles with competitiveness. A mother who brings her daughter to Daystar for extreme social anxiety told me that the night of her daughter's first co-ed dance, she stood in the parking lot praying for her daughter the entire dance. That is loving your child well. And even as I hear those stories, I start to sink just a little.

Why? Because I'm afraid I'm not going to get it right. I'm afraid I don't know how to love her well. Which, in reality, means I'm making it more about me than I am her. I"M afraid I am not going to love her well.

So what happens to our loving well when we're on our 13th night in a row of 4 hours of sleep?
Or when our song first learns the word no and says it 27 times per hour?
Or our daughter first learns the power of the word hate and uses it against us? In these times, I'm not even sure loving well is the issue at hand.

1)Embrace the Ish.
I recently asked a group of high school girls if they thought their parents had loved them well. One girl looked at me, raised her shoulders and said "Ish." Ish is right. Or the word could be sometimes. Or every once in a while. We did a 2 hour live radio interview last year about our book Raising Girls. We had shared lots with this host when in the last few seconds of the interview with the music swelling in the background, he said "So, what you're saying is that if a parent does all of these things you're talking about, they're going to turn out to be great kids?" I panicked. Over the swelling music, I shouted "Not in a fallen world." And that was the end of the show. This side of heaven, our loving well is going to come in glimpses. We will love our children wonderfully, and then we'll fail them. We'll say powerful, life giving words and then lose it in anger. But, Romans 5 tells us that character comes through suffering and perseverance. And we serve a God who redeems every one of our own stuff.

2)Deal with your own stuff
In a recent book, Tim Keller talks about the story in Luke 15 of the prodigal son. He talks about the lost-ness of both the prodigal and the elder son. Why? Because both are trying to make their lives work? One by going to get whatever he wants and the other by control. He sits back and tries to control himself and his environment to get the outcome he desires.
Another author, Richard Rohr, talks about how we truly become ourselves around the age of 34. The reason we do is because we're finally at an age where we realize that 1)the world doesn't work the way we thought it would and 2)we don't work the way we think we should. Once again, that old fallen world--and our fallen selves. Our sin is going to come out in the lives of our children. Our eating issues will ripple over into eating issues for them. Our anger will become their anger on the playground. One of the best things we can do as parents is to deal with our own stuff. Know that you will have it, and deal with it when it comes up. Any attempt on our end to control it is not going to change the fact that it is there.

3)Enjoy your children
Donald Miller says that "No one will listen to you unless they sense that you like them." This is true even of our children. But when our goal is to control the environment, ourselves, or even our children to get a desired outcome. When we're too focused on loving well, we quit becoming ourselves and become really tight. It is only in the letting go and accepting the world and our fallenness that we truly can enjoy our children.

4)Trust in God's promises rather than our perfect parenting. God has promised hope and good and life abundant for us and our children. Frederick Buechner says that the command "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind," in the end, becomes more of a promise than a command. As we yield ourselves to God, He brings that promise to life. You shall love the Lord your God. You shall also love your children well--because it is His love and His will to love them, even through our mistakes.

FamilyLife

2009-03-01T13:13:00.000-08:00

Exciting news! We wanted to let you all know to tune in to Family Life today on March 5 and 6, for two sessions with Melissa, Sissy, Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine on Raising Girls. We'd love for you to listen in and tell us what you think!

Calling All American Idol Watchers

2009-02-17T07:02:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I'm going to shamelessly use this blog to promote someone on American Idol! Really, it's because she's a precious friend of my little sister, Kathleen's! If you watch tonight, PLEASE vote for Ann Marie Boskovitch! She's the one they sent out on her try outs to go look more like a "star!" I think she already looked like one, anyway. But, we'd love for you to vote if you watch tonight--they'll cut from 12 to 3, so it's a big night! Happy Watching and Go Ann Marie!

A Blogging Break

2009-02-04T07:37:00.000-08:00

It has been quite some time since we have visited this blog. Mainly for one reason. Not sure what you would call the mood you need to be in to blog, but I haven't been there. Maybe I've had a little bit of the blogging blues...
But, we wanted to share with you the reason why--as well as the tremendous gift Daystar (and Sissy) were given for 16 years...

God uses our stories. He uses who we are made, how we are, and what we have been through to touch the lives of others. This is one of the truths we cling to at Daystar. It is a truth that exists for children, for teenagers, for families, and even for dogs.

In October of 1992, the parents of a six and a twenty-two year old girl separated. That Christmas, knowing it would be a difficult day for her daughters, the mom decided to give them puppies. They were in a box under the tree, with big red bows around their little necks.

The following May, that twenty-two year old started an internship at Daystar through her graduate program. A few months later, she happened to bring her puppy to the office with her. When the intern stepped out of the office for a meeting, Melissa took the puppy into an first-time appointment with a little girl. When the little girl started crying during the appointment, the puppy (who was now quite accustomed to tears) jumped into the little girls lap and started licking her tears. And our first pet therapist, Noel, promptly joined the Daystar staff.

Sixteen Christmases later (and one day), Noel’s life and ministry came to a close. Over the past few weeks, we have been inundated with cards and letters from lives of all ages that little Noel touched. We wanted to share just a few…

One mother found a 2nd grader out standing over a mound of dirt with a holly twig stuck in it after she told her the news. When she asked her daughter what she was doing, she replied “I made a pretend grave for Noel. I told her a lot of my secrets at camp. I wanted to remind her of those and tell her some more.”

One thirty-two year old who was involved in Daystar in middle and high school wrote from her honeymoon to say “Noel was warm, loving, graceful and supportive to all of us in our darkest times. I will always be grateful to her for the immeasurable comfort she provided me as I sat and cried on the couch!”

A twenty-five year old…”Noel helped kids like me to feel at peace and happy during times that happiness was hard to fine.”

And, finally, a Daystar parent…”Thank you for bringing Noel into the business of human hearts. She tirelessly worked at her job, mending hearts, encouraging souls, and generally making us all more cheerful.”

God used even Noel’s little story to touch others for his glory. We are grateful to serve a redemptive God who works through all of us, even those with paws.

Christmas Thoughts from Amsterdam

2008-12-25T16:21:00.000-08:00

This was written by one of our dear friends who is a missionary in Amsteram, Tracey Truby. We wanted to share her powerful, timely words with you this Christmas.

"Today, on Christmas Eve day, I went out for a walk on the streets of Amsterdam. As I made my way down my usual path, I quickly noticed the difference of today than every other day…people were smiling, cheerful, and even making eye contact and exchanging greetings among the hustle and bustle of the city. Old men in their wool coats and derby hats hummed a tune as they rode along on their bicycles, loaded down with Christmas groceries and parcels. Sweet aromas of mothers and grandmothers baked goods could be smelled bellowing out of homes to the passer by.

As I observed the general Christmas cheer and happiness of the city, I remembered the words of the angel to the shepherds…“I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all people.” Whether or not people even understand it, I thought, our very beings celebrate the simple birth of this man, Jesus Christ. Even the animals in the manger and the star that led the shepherds above, testified of the greatness of the child born. And as the bible says, if we don’t praise Him, even the rocks will cry out with His praise.

As I continued on my walk, contemplating the joy that was in the air, my mind flashed to a story I recently read about Bill Bright, the founder of Campus Crusade for Christ, who is said to have led more people to Je sus than anyone living on earth today. As the story read, a college student approached Mr. Bright for an interview in his office. This large, powerful older man sat behind his big desk, looking very important and a bit intimidating to the young student. Mustering up his courage to speak, the student finally asked him, “Can you tell me Mr. Bright, what Jesus Christ means to you?“ Pondering the question, Mr. Bright put his head down on his desk and began to weep. When he finally gained his composure, his answer was simply “Everything”.

Jesus, the name above all names…born in a lowly manger 2000 years ago. Died and rose again. Pouring such extravagant kindness on mankind, words and even tears, cannot express the “good news of great joy” He truly is to us all. As King David advised, we “taste and see, that the Lord is good”, eager to share a bit of our bread of life with others, clumsy and silly in our methods and ways. As I made my way home, I was fighting the tears myself, just thinking on the man Christ Jesus. How can we keep a friend to ourselves, whose very name makes us cry? …"

Glad Christmas Tidings!

2008-12-23T19:08:00.000-08:00

"The great promise is that to come to him who was born at Bethlehem is to find coming to birth within ourselves something stronger and braver, gladder and kinder and holier, than ever we could have known without him."
Frederick Buechner
And a happy, holy Christmas to all!

A Sweet Tribute

2008-12-20T15:49:00.000-08:00

Merry Almost Christmas~
We recently came across this video from writer Kelly Corrigan about friendships between women. An honoring tribute to many generations.

Jim Brickman and Advent

2008-12-04T06:18:00.000-08:00

I have a new XM radio in my car. It has provided me with hours of enjoyment hearing songs from growing up that I haven't heard in years. (If you have one, you know what I'm talking about...hearing Casey Kasem on the 70's, Flock of Seagulls on the 80's, etc). In the last few days, I've spent a lot of time listening to Channel 35--Holly for the Holidays.:) A few nights ago, a song by Jim Brickman came on. It was one of his beautiful carols by piano. On this one, however, he was talking over the music. Typically, on a song like this, I would change the channel as quickly as possible. But, I heard him say something about "the secret to happiness." I turned it up. "There are three secrets to happiness," he crooned. "Having something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to." That was it. I've spent a lot of time thinking about these secrets since then. And I think he might be on to something...except I might add a few tweaks.
1)Something to do--purpose, the knowledge that we can and do, at times, make a difference
2)Someone to love--obvious
3)Something to look forward to--I have been doing some research on Advent. The dictionary calls Advent a period of "expectant waiting." As sojourners in this life, that is exactly where we are...caught between the now and the not yet. As parents, you are in a state of expectant waiting for your child. We all need something to look forward to--or, hope, as it otherwise might be called. At this advent season, hope that looks forward also points us back toward a manger. And, sometimes, it is hope beyond that helps us have hope where we are. God is doing a new thing--in us, in our children, in this lifetime, and the next. Advent is sure proof of that.

And the winner is....

2008-11-21T07:15:00.000-08:00

Last week, we did a whirlwind visit to Little Rock. Speaking at Pulaski Academy, an appearance on KATV, a booksigning at Wordsworth books, and an interview with Bob Lepine and Dennis Rainey at FamilyLife. We were honored to be a part of all of these events and were thrilled to get to see old friends and meet some new ones, as well. Dennis said something we've heard over and over from parents we've talked to over the years: Girls are harder than boys! He has raised 4 girls and 2 boys and said girls are definitely harder. Yesterday, a mom told us something similar. "With girls, it's just all so emotional. You just never know what will be coming down the hall toward you!" What do you think? Girls or boys? And why? We'd love to hear your thoughts! And thanks to everyone who came out to the events in Little Rock--we were so glad to see and meet you!

Twilight Twitter

2008-11-10T19:27:00.000-08:00

If you have had any kind of literary conversation with an adolescent girl in the past few months, the book Twilight has most likely come up. I just finished reading it...trying to keep up with these fast-moving teenagers. And this book is absolutely fast-moving. What the girls say is that it's a romance (and the guy just happens to be a vampire)--which to them is very much of a sub-plot. Girls love it--and are completely infatuated with the main character. Now that I've read it, as they would say, "I totally get it". It is a love story about a teenage girl and a guy who is undoubtedly a vampire, which is very much a part of the main plot. He's a very alluring, attractive hunk of a vampire, in fact. I found this review on Stephanie Meyer's website from Amazon.com:
"But, Bella would rather be dead than part from Edward, so she risks her life to stay near him, and the novel burns with the erotic tension of their dangerous and necessarily chaste relationship."
The concern is that eleven and twelve year olds are reading about the erotic tension. In book 1, it is mostly tension in the form of kissing--but there is some pretty intensely tense kissing. I have not read the later books, but the girls I was with tonight (who were a group of six 7th-8th graders where all but one had read the books) said that the books got much more steamy as they went on--and talked specifically about the fourth. I am not saying that teenage girls should not be allowed to read these books (although the 4th sounds particularly questionable). I think they can, in older girls, bring about a great conversation about not only sexuality but healthy boundaries in relationships, as well. But, I believe they are books that a parent needs to read first--to know whether the books are appropriate for your daughter at her age. I stood for a long time in the young adult section tonight while I looked at book titles such as "Sucks To Be Me," "Impulse," and "It's Not Easy Being Mean." I guess, in the case of Twilight, I would say what I would about most young adult titles out there today, "Parents, proceed with caution and your reading glasses at the ready."

Words of Encouragement

2008-11-06T12:48:00.000-08:00

We recently received this note...
I am the mother of a 6 year-old girl and about 2 years ago I walked into a store and simply picked a book off the shelf to read while I was waiting. I stood in the store reading your book and was filled with a sense of relief and thankfulness. I keep Raising Girls on my nightstand to grab in those moments where I simply need a bit of encouragement. I appreciate the way you speak so eloquently and frankly about where girls are in their areas of development. Your words have provided touchstones for me over the past couple of years. I cannot fully express how grateful I am for the ministry and care you provide with girls (and their families).
And then, yesterday, we asked two mothers of grown girls what advice they would give to other parents of girls...their words were--
HANG ON! We are grateful to be a part of that hanging on process....

Amazon Discussion

2008-11-04T18:00:00.000-08:00

We recently joined a discussion on Amazon.com about the sexualization of girls. This is our answer. We'd love to hear your thoughts.
I think this is a great question. I am a counselor to girls for 15 years and and also write parenting books. I see girls every day who are younger and younger and dressing older and older. Your point about the forbidden fruit is a great one. I absolutely agree with you that kids are going to often be drawn toward that which they are kept from. But, I also agree that their has to be a line. They need boundaries as they don't yet understand why they shouldn't be scantily clad. They are not old enough to understand reputations let alone want to protect theirs. I believe that is our job as adults. I also think they'll have plenty of time to be teenagers. Because of all that moves so fast developmentally in our culture, kids don't have enough opportunities to be kids. I think it's fantastic when girls are playing outside, riding bikes, and watching old-fashioned movies like Anne of Green Gables. Anne Shirley has a lot to teach us all today--younger girls and adults alike!

Lifeway Kids' Conference

2008-10-23T21:24:00.000-07:00

Last week, we were honored to be asked to speak at the Lifeway Kids' Conference--a conference for ministers from across the country. We wanted to share a little of our experience with you---okay, the picture isn't really from the conference. It's from the pre-conference conference we held ourselves with Mickey! You just can't go to Orlando without seeing him--and Mary Poppins! But the conference was an amazing experience, as well--we met lots of kind, interesting people from all over...(including Mickey:).

Raising Kids of Character

2008-10-18T15:10:00.001-07:00

What do you want the most for your child?
A successful job? Confidence?
A marriage that lasts? Happiness?
We would guess that you want all of these things and so much more.
We would also guess that you know, as well as we do, how fleeting these things truly can be...

So, what can you offer a child? What can you build into your son’s life that will carry him through the joyful and the difficult times of marriage? What can you build into your daughter that will shore her up for a life that will contain its share of happiness and sorrow? What can you give each of them that will strengthen them in ways that are deeper and more lasting than their circumstances or feelings?
We believe the answer is character.

As counselors with over sixty-five years of combined experience, we believe that character is one of the most important and most difficult things to instill in the life of a child. We want to help. In this seminar, our hope is to offer you hope as you parent your child. We’d love for you to join us for a day to reflect on what it means to develop strength...tenderness...compassion...wisdom...and much more in the life of your child. No matter what his or her age, we want to offer you insight into how to help your son or daughter become all that God has created him or her to be.

We'd love for you to join us to talk about what it looks like to Raise Kids of Character.
Wednesday, October 29th, 7:00-9:00pm, Battle Ground Academy
Contact Charlotte Scholl at 794-3501 for more information.

The Secret Life of Bees

2008-10-17T06:30:00.000-07:00

NOW PLAYING!
Never having plugged a movie before on our blog--and we've actually not even seen this one yet, because it's just come out today. BUT this book is one of our very favorites of the last few years. We're really excited to see this movie and think it's one that you might enjoy as well. A Trevathan and Goff two thumbs up!

A Humbling Reminder

2008-10-04T14:15:00.001-07:00

Two pictures in one day.
One--I was speaking with a freshman in college who is terribly distressed over a friendship. She and her best--and oldest friend--went to separate colleges. This young woman (Allison, we'll call her) is doing well--enjoying her studies, making friends, feeling connected. Her friend, however, is not. School is harder than she thought it would be. She can't find friends who are similar. Everything feels off--and a little lonesome. Allison tries to be aware of this when she talks to her friend. But it's not working. Every conversation gets more and more tense. Last week, her friend got really angry with Allison for finding new ones. My wise and non-judgmental thought was, "She's acting like a seventh grader..."
Then I remembered...
Two-I was at a football game this weekend. A precious young woman involved in Daystar was crowned homecoming queen of her school. This young woman suffered a terribly tragedy in the death of a sibling last year. Her family drove and flew in for the occasion. And I have NEVER seen anyone as excited as this young woman's cousin--her cousin who is also in high school and was not nominated for homecoming court at her school. But it didn't matter. She jumped and cheered and cried and clapped for a solid 15 minutes.
Melissa and I were talking recently with a group of high school girls about how much easier it is to weep with those who weep than rejoice with those who rejoice. I sure know those moments of un-rejoicing in my own life. Oh, how I pray that I--that we all could live out the Gospel in the way of this beautiful high school girl. It's a good thing, as Melissa says, to remember.

Munchkinland--an excerpt from Mirrors and Maps (for 11-14 year-old girls)

2008-10-02T13:58:00.000-07:00

You've probably seen--or at least heard of--The Wizard of Oz. So you know the deal: Dorothy, a girl about your age, is trying to escape a tornado and a crazy, witchy woman who wants to take her cute little dog, Toto. She runs into her room to hide and gets hit on the head and knocked out. When she wakes up, she opens the door to walk outside and finds the world has changed. Everything on her aunt and uncle's farm had been dreary, gray, and dusty. But the world she enters is sunny and bright--almost too bright. Munchkins are coming out of enormous flowers, and a beautiful witch is floating down from the sky in a pink bubble.

As you can imagine, Dorothy is a little thrown. She turns to her dog and says, "Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore." And she's right.

These years of your life are a lot like Dorothy's waking up in Munchkinland...

Quote of the Week

2008-09-22T19:40:00.000-07:00

"My heart's climate is not constant; I doubt if anyone's is. My inner weather shifts with the days. But much sunshine has shone on me through the sharing and giving and receiving...And so I am taught to pray. And so I am taught to be."
Madeleine L'Engle

Objects of Affection

2008-09-17T21:27:00.000-07:00

"My affection is based on acceptance." A high school student said these words the other day...actually said them--out loud. It was good to hear because it's what so many girls feel, but few are able to express. They are words that would describe the friend choices of so many girls--especially in their middle school years. Friends are not based on the kind of person you would like to be friends with at that point in your life...more likely the kind of person that either pursues you, or appears popular and hard to get. Affection based on acceptance--or the lack thereof. What a difficult place to be. I asked her when she thought this acceptance-based friend requirement started. She said "12--no 8."

I talked with a group of high school students about this same idea. They said they had all done the same thing. They either wanted to be a part of the popular group (actually they ALL said they wanted to be a part of the popular group in middle school) or they chose the friends who had already chosen them--no matter what they were like. As they grew older, they realized that the ones that were so easy to come by were, in reality, clingy, and the popular ones were, in reality, mean. The girls now choose friends based on things like kindness, loyalty, similar values...but it took a while. Affection based on acceptance. It's good to be aware of--and help our girls know that they have choices, even in those tumultuous middle school years. They can make choices not only in who they are, but the kinds of girls they choose to spend their time with. And we can believe in AND name (See Raising Girls) them in a way that helps them have the confidence to make wise choices.

Being Bigger

2008-09-09T11:55:00.000-07:00

We tell parents often that girls want someone in their life who is bigger--stronger than they are. I (Sissy) got a taste of my own medicine last week. I met with a high school student-who is having a difficult relationship with her mom. Basically, her mom is kind, but is simply not very involved. And her dad is not involved at all. This young woman used about every curse word she could think of in my office the first time I met with her. She explained--or maybe dictated?--her opinion on all things in life. And those opinions were all very strong, judgmental, and black and white. (She may be sounding a little familiar). Anyway, in our first appointment, I let her speak freely. I wanted her to feel safe and offered what my graduate program called "unconditional positive regard." Well, in our last appointment, the unconditional positive regard was out the window. I let her begin to speak freely-and after about 15 minutes of her talking about this type of person and that (with colorful language again), I had had it. (It actually may have been 5 minutes.) Anyway, I smiled and said, "For someone who doesn't want others to judge her, you come off very arrogant and judgmental. And I sure don't think that's who you are or what you want people to think about you." She stopped, smiled, and we proceeded to have a much better--albeit heated--counseling session than I have with most kids on the second time. I think the bottom line is that she was pushing and pushing me to find out if I was bigger than she. And, I think she, like all girls, is desperate for that. For any of us to know that someone is bigger than we are--someone who is ultimately (although failingly on my part) kind and cares, makes us feel profoundly safe. I hope that is this young woman's experience. I'm sure glad for the reminder myself.

Politics

2008-09-07T08:47:00.000-07:00

I (Sissy) am not much on politics. But I am in the process of trying to learn about the candidates to make an educated decision come November. So, I've been watching...watching Obama make his powerful and, at the same time, intimate presentation at the Democratic Convention. Watching McCain's tragic but courageous story unfold. And, most recently, watching Sarah Palin. And, I have to say, she's got moxie (one of Melissa's favorite words)! It also struck me this morning that she has walked out the concept of naming girls--and in front of quite a few people. Her family, with nothing personal going on, must be in the throes of chaos. The traveling. The press. The schedule. But, on top of all of it, to be walking through an intensely personal situation at the same time must be incredibly overwhelming. For her to stand at the republican convention and call her daughters strong and kind-hearted...in front of all of those people--people who will criticize and judge and not understand the depth of the meaning of those words. And to one daughter in particular who could be facing much of that onslaught on her own...let alone be dealing with her fear and sadness of letting down her parents. To be a mother who would stand in front of the country and call her strong and kind-hearted, not only has moxie, but has a tremendous heart for naming girls.

Popsicle Party Pic

2008-09-05T20:42:00.000-07:00

Thank you so much to all of you who joined us for the popsicle party/booksigning. It was so fun and we sure appreciate your hearts and questions!
Sissy and Melissa

Molasses and Noel's Newest Friend

2008-08-31T08:32:00.000-07:00

This is Lolly--Kathleen's new puppy. Thought you all would enjoy seeing her little face that may someday be the face of the newest canine counselor at Daystar.

Words every parent of a middle school girl longs to hear...

2008-08-28T20:51:00.000-07:00

This week, I had a fifth grade girl in my office.
"How's fifth grade going so far?" was my really deep and introspective first question.
"Well, fine until today."
"What happened today?" Pretty impressive counseling skills, huh?
"This boy kept flirting with me. And then he told my friend that he likes me and my best friend."
"Likes both of you?"
"Yes, that's what guys do now days. They don't like just one girl. They usually like a couple of girls at a time."
"Oh." Another brilliant response.
"I just wish he'd stop. I don't know what his problem is. I don't like him. I'm too young to have a boyfriend and I really like my life just fine the way it is."

A Great Idea--and Encouragement!

2008-08-26T15:12:00.001-07:00

I wanted to tell you all that I am so grateful for your latest book, Mirrors and Maps. I read a lot of it out loud to my older children and husband in our car this summer and we enjoyed it so much! We really had some good laughs as we read out loud the questions you had the girls ask the boys abd had our boys answer before we read the guys responses. They were so similar! It gave us some funny ways to get into discussions that we normally wouldn't have b/c we just said"sissy and melissa said! "not your uncool parents! so we have loved it and are so blessed by what you both have to offer. i can't wait to read the next one:)

From the Outside In--from ParentLife March 2008

2008-08-17T19:29:00.000-07:00

From a 7th Grade Girl

2008-08-14T19:47:00.000-07:00

Dear Melissa,
I read your book also Sissy's book it was wonderful I thought it was a really good help some of the things I don't think really apply to me like I have a good relationship with my mom my dad and my various siblings. I also wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed camp this year. I'm sad that we don't get to see you and our friends from camp much. We miss seeing Sissy too but fortunately we have email, telephones, and postal service.
We miss and love you always.
A friend from Georgia

Booksigning and Popsicle Party!!

2008-08-13T08:00:00.000-07:00

Melissa Trevathan and Sissy Goff will be signing their new books, Mirrors and Maps: A Girl's Guide to Becoming a Teen (for 11-14 year-old girls) and Growing Up Without Getting Lost (for 15-19 year-olds girls) at Davis-Kidd on Tuesday, September 2nd at 7:00pm. We will read from the books and have a panel of teenage girls answer questions about what it looks like to discover and live in who God is making you to be as a teenage girl. We'd love for you to join us!

A Hero and Legend

2008-08-13T07:48:00.000-07:00

This woman taught me (Sissy) horseback riding for 4 years at Camp Waldemar, where the video was filmed. She was a hero to so many girls over the years and continues to be an inspiration.

July 28

2008-07-28T22:34:00.001-07:00

Jesus doesn't just try to make us better. He makes us new.

The Good News-July 27

2008-07-28T22:32:00.000-07:00

You don't have a lot of joy about how great God is until you know how rotten you can be. In other words, you don't really know the good news till you know the bad news.

July 26--Matthew 13:10-17

2008-07-26T21:15:00.000-07:00

Our eyes so often don't see because our hearts have grown calloused. God, soften our hearts so our eyes can see.

July 25--With the eyes of our hearts

2008-07-25T21:09:00.000-07:00

So often, we don't see ourselves. We don't see the messes that we are but we also don't see what God has created. But we can tell each other. When you're telling someone what your heart sees, you're usually bringing out something in someone they didn't even know was there. May the eyes of your heart be opened and may you be blessed this night.

What It's All About

2008-07-21T10:56:00.001-07:00